A Beginner’s Guide to the Swinger Lifestyle

Mature couples often wonder how to diversify their sex life, return passion, and fall in love with their chosen one again. Betrayals are already outdated; they are replaced by a frank and honest exchange of partners, which was given the name swinging.

In the classical sense, swinging is a one-time or regular sex between heterosexual married couples, implying the exchange of partners. Despite the stereotypes, gays and lesbians can also be swingers.

Unlike polyamorous relationships, there is no romantic attachment in swinging, the couple only tries to find sexual diversity while maintaining their relationship. Polyamory also implies an equivalent romantic relationship between all partners.

Swingers rarely enter into relationships with new people, much more often they find a couple with whom they regularly arrange meetings.

WHY DO PEOPLE DO THAT?

Couples resort to swinging to experience new sensations, return to their former passion and realize their secret desires.

Diversity

Couples often complain about the loss of emotions, or the lack of novelty in sex. Partners begin to perceive each other as something ordinary, not noticing in a person the former object of passion.

Usually it’s the man who offers a new format of sexual relations. When a person sees his beloved in someone else’s hands, everyone gets a cocktail of bright emotions, where there is passion, jealousy, embarrassment and even fear.

Expanding sexual boundaries

Sometimes the partner has a higher libido and needs to expand sexual boundaries, then swinging is a good compromise.

The partner gets the opportunity to realize their polygamous dreams without cheating on the beloved one. It’s a chance to get to know your body better. Often, after an unusual experience, people realize that they’re bisexual.

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SWINGING AND GROUP SEX

Many people often confuse swinging and group sex. But if you think about it, from a physiological point of view, there’s no difference between swinging and group sex. In both cases, there is sex with several partners. The main difference is in the attitude of partners, spouses to each other. You need to achieve a huge degree of mutual trust to involve another swinging couple into a relationship.

TYPES OF SWINGING RELATIONSHIPS

There are two main types of swinging relationships – with full and partial exchange. However, it’s also possible to distinguish a soft, open and closed exchange of partners.

Full swinging (classic)

In the classic swinging, the couple completely changes partners, paying all attention to the new chosen one. It means classic sex, and further rules are voiced by each couple separately. Lovers can be next to each other, in another room, or even in another territory.

Partial swinging

Most couples start with a partial exchange, because psychologically it’s perceived easier than a full exchange. Directly sex with penetration is engaged in a married couple. “Guests” have the right to participate only in foreplay and oral sex.

Soft swinging

In soft swinging, couples can be in the same room, watching each other, but sex happens with the rightful chosen one.

Open swinging

Couples have sex in the same room, close to each other. The change of partners occurs an unlimited number of times. It means full-fledged sex with penetration. Then everything depends on the imagination of the lovers.

Closed swinging

There is an exchange, after which the “new” couples go to different rooms, or even apartments. Often such an exchange is delayed for the whole weekend. The rules are discussed in advance, but their violation is unlikely to become known.

In a closed swinging, sex outside the home (on the street, in public places) is allowed, BDSM, classic sex, role-playing games are practiced, sex toys are used.

SWINGING RULES AND LAWS

If you still decided to swinging, then take note of the basic swinging rules and laws.

1. In the swinging community, “no” means “no”. An inability to express your own desires or an inability to respect the desires of other people indicates that you have nothing to do in swinging. “No” in swinging is not an insult, but a mood, unwillingness, or a personal antipathy of one of the partners in the end.
2. Swinging is the art of good mood with your own and aesthetic preferences. Most swingers before starting an intimate relationship prefer to communicate and get to know each other in communication, joint recreation. After all, attractiveness isn’t limited to physical data.
3. Every swinger needs to communicate with all partners; to fixate on a partner of the opposite sex is tactless.
4. If one of the partners in your community feels uncomfortable — it’s unlikely that the union of your couples will develop properly.
5. Even at the stage of communication, you shouldn’t be afraid to express your expectations from the other couple, your desires and fears — this will make your swinger experience richer and safer.
6. In swinging, during the first meetings and dating, it’s not customary to let your hands go too far. Buttocks, breasts, fly – is taboo until the moment when you didn’t have a sexual relationship. Cheeky behavior will only disturb people and cause antipathy to you — and contact will no longer work.
7. You shouldn’t be assertive and push the other couple to the earliest sexual contact. If you’re interested in someone from the other couple, you can say it once.
8. Don’t call every day with an offer of a meeting, if you don’t receive calls from the other couple for a long time or you have already received a refusal. The same applies to correspondence.
9. You cannot have sex with someone else’s partner alone, in secret from the spouses, having agreed on a separate meeting — this is already a betrayal, it’s contrary to the rules of swinger relations.
10. Avoid the thought of destroying the marriage — both your own and the other couple’s.
11. Keep positive emotions and a portion of attention for your constant companion.
12. The highest standards of hygiene and appearance are the guarantee of maintaining sympathy for you.
13. Keep other swingers anonymous and don’t mention their names in conversation. Show respect for the habits, feelings, and personal positions of other swingers, regardless of your own opinion.
14. It’s better for amateur couples to establish individual rules of behavior in swinging, in order to avoid infringing on the feelings of one of the partners. Depending on what causes discomfort to each of the partners, the rules may vary: for example, “don’t cause pain” or “no oral sex”. As the experience increases, the rules may change — some things you won’t like, and some, on the contrary, you’ll want to repeat many times.
15. The most important rule of any swinging: both partners must be ready for it. And if the members of a married couple don’t have the experience to understand each other, to negotiate with each other, swinging won’t improve the relationship, but just the opposite, can lead to a breakup.

THE DANGERS OF SWINGING

Undoubtedly, you can enjoy swinging, but you shouldn’t forget about the possible risks and problems.

Infection

Even if the partners have certificates, it doesn’t guarantee 100% protection against AIDS or sexually transmitted diseases. It’s better not to avoid contraception and to treat sex with new people responsibly.

Criminal situations

There is a crime almost in any sphere. When it comes to intimate life, it’s very easy to become a victim of blackmail or an accidental actor of a porn site. Everyone has a camera, but not everyone behaves decently and conscientiously.

Breakup

After an unusual sexual experience, there is a risk of breaking up a relationship, especially when the sexual life was perceived as something personal and secret.

There are several reasons:

• One of the partners cannot forgive his beloved, loses respect for him;
• There is always a risk of falling in love with a new partner, then it won’t be possible to return the passion to the past relationship;
• After joining the swinger club, it’s impossible to return to the usual format of relations, every time you want more thrills;
• Often the partner turns out to be a manipulator and begins to blackmail his chosen one with a common secret, threats begin, photos, videos, etc. are drained;
• If the relationship is going to break up, people often move away from each other after the swinging.

You need to agree to swinging with a strong desire to try it. If one of the partners feels an internal contradiction, he should think about what purpose the experiment will be conducted for and whether it’s so necessary? Most family problems can be solved without swinging. It doesn’t save the relationship, but only helps to diversify the sexual life.