This article will help you figure out if you are really ready to experiment, or if you just like to fantasize.
HOW TO UNDERSTAND THAT IT IS WHAT YOU WANT
This question must necessarily be asked to yourself before you talk about fantasy to your partner. Think carefully about this idea, analyze all possible risks: there is a possibility that the partner is simply not ready for such a turn of events. Maybe you’re not ready for that yet. Often, the desire to have a threesome hides a harmless fantasy, for example, about double penetration, which can be realized without involving third parties. It will be enough to buy a sex toy.
In general, strictly speaking, our consciousness and attitudes about relationships are formed not only by us, but also by the society around us. The most popular relationship model is patriarchal monogamous, focused on preserving family values and maintaining a conservative relationship between a man and a woman. In our society, it is generally assumed that if a relationship has a fantasy about the presence of a third party, then they are doomed to failure, and love can not be even more so.
Perhaps it is because of such a dense pressure of social attitudes that we have such monstrous statistics of divorces and infidelities. Instead of learning about each other’s fantasies and realizing them together, thereby strengthening the relationship, partners prefer to suppress their sexual desires or look for outlets for unrealized sexual potential outside of the relationship.
HOW TO TELL THE PARTNER ABOUT YOUR DESIRE
Before you realize your fantasies, you first need to learn how to talk about them. And to speak so that the partner does not think that you have fallen out of love with him, and sex with him has ceased to suit. Conversations about sex in general should be distinguished by special delicacy. Speak calmly, it’s better to start with the fact that your partner, as well as your bed relationship with him, completely suits you, but they could become even better if you both tried something new — this is a universal way to start a conversation on an intimate topic.
First, you can find out what your partner would like. You can open your exciting fantasies in turn, it is very likely that some item from the list will coincide, and you can start implementing it immediately, because it will become desirable for both partners. Start with something simple, you don’t have to start forming triple unions immediately. Warm up your paired interest in experiments in bed: you can do this with the help of role-playing games, new sexual practices, the purchase of sex toys, and so on.
If you come to an agreement in a conversation about threesome sex, you need to make sure that it is sincere. It is likely that the partner agrees to the experiments for reasons that are far from the concept of a healthy relationship. For example, he/she:
– thinks that if he/she doesn’t agree, you’ll stop loving him/her and leave;
– thinks he/she will look bad to you if he/she doesn’t agree;
– he/she agrees because you want him/her to.
To find out what exactly the partner wants, you can use banal clarifying questions: Are you sure about this? Do you feel comfortable and safe? Does my desire offend you? If the partner refuses, you do not need to insist. It is important to remember that sex will never bring pleasure if at least one of its participants feels as if he/she was forced.
HOW TO REACT IF A THREESOME IS OFFERED BY A PARTNER
In fact, there are only two options — such an offer will either arouse your interest, or cause negative emotions. In the first case, you can already start discussing the details, and in the second, you should remain calm. You can also be happy, because only in a trusting relationship partners can freely share their innermost fantasies with each other.
If you feel hurt, disappointed, jealous, or sad (or both) in response to your partner’s offer, you should not immediately pour this crazy cocktail on him. Fantasies should be treated simply: every person has them, and not all of them require realization. And if the partner even after your refusal insists on a threesome, it only means that he/she does not care about your feelings in principle. At the same time, it is completely normal if you experience negative emotions — you need to allow yourself to live them and already think with a fresh head about possible scenarios.
BASIC RULES FOR A THREESOME SEX
A threesome can be an amazing experience, but only in the right environment and in the right company. We understand the basic principles of such an experiment: when not to agree to it, what is worth discussing in advance and how to communicate with a third party in your love games.
This idea should excite all participants
The first rule of any sexual experiment is absolute voluntariness. When it comes to threesome sex, consent alone is not enough: ideally, all participants should be excited by the idea and not feel pressured. Before inviting a third person to your bed, partners should make sure several times that they exactly want it. Threesome sex is not a gift for the anniversary and not a sacrifice, but a way to get new sensations. If one of the partners is involved in this to please the other, you’d better give it up.
This experiment is for those who are confident in their relationships
Conservative people perceive threesome sex as infidelity, which will only go to those who are not satisfied with the partner. In fact, such an experience should be decided only by strong couples who have a very high level of trust. If one of you has a problem with jealousy, attracting other people into your sex life is not the best solution. When the partner constantly controls who you communicate with at work, but at the same time says that he/she will calmly treat another person in your bed – he/she is clearly lying. Both partners should understand that a one-time threesome does not give them the right to bring someone constantly or cheat.
Rules and security are discussed in advance
The more specific, the better. You can first discuss your boundaries and expectations with your partner, and then involve a third party in the dialogue, but in general, everyone should understand what will happen. Let everyone express their preferences and indicate what behavior they consider unacceptable. It is especially important to talk about security. Remember that oral sex also needs to be protected. Use male and female condom wipes. Decide when it is more convenient for you to discuss the practical side of the issue: in advance, so as not to confuse the mood, or just before sex.
Everyone should be involved in the process
One of the most difficult moments in threesome sex is to make sure that no one feels superfluous. Create a comfortable, trusting atmosphere in which everyone can admit that they do not have enough attention. The main rule: any of the participants can join whenever they want. You like to sit and watch – fine, but if you feel that you are bored, then something is going wrong. You can pre-spy ideas for threesome sex on the Internet or get inspired by movies.
The initiator should not be selfish
The fact that the first threesome was offered by a man does not mean that everyone gathered just to please him. This also applies to you – don’t make others feel like they’re just part of your fantasy. The initiative is welcome, but let it apply to all participants in the process.
The third participant also deserves attention
You should be careful at the selection stage. Inviting someone you know seems safer, but think about how it might affect your future relationship. It’s a particularly bad idea to call your exes, even if you don’t have any unresolved issues, resentments, or even if you’re best friends. Ideally, it should be a stranger, but a very decent person with a certificate from a venereologist, who will disappear into space after a fun night. But in life, everything is a little more complicated, so you can take a chance and conduct a social survey among your friends or search for a partner through an online application. Despite the fact that you are not connected by feelings with a third person, do not treat him as a consumer. Don’t get him out of bed as soon as it’s over, just to make it look like it never happened. Be open, polite, and respectful. As for communicating with a third party after sex, such things are definitely worth discussing with your partner. If any of you correspond with this person, it should not be a secret.
THREESOME EXPERIENCE FOR THE FIRST TIME
Threesome experience in the first meeting will be a serious test for the relationship of the spouses. This will require particularly careful behavior in relation to each other. To do this, you need to make it clear to your partner that the highest priority for you is the relationship between you, and not the invited partner.
If during the session you find your partner’s dissatisfaction, you need to take a break and retire with him/her to find out the reason, try to encourage him/her, give some time to calm down. If both of you are no longer uncomfortable, then you can continue, but if not — the best option is to end the meeting.
WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO LEARN FROM A THIRD PARTNER
Health
Do not hesitate to ask your partner to provide a certificate of sexual health or to pass tests in the event that there is no such certificate. This is especially important if you have been in a monogamous relationship for many years and may be used to the lack of barrier contraception. In a threesome, by the way, it is necessary to protect yourself, even if the third partner (and you too) is nominally healthy. By the way, if we talk about health risks, it is safer to have a union of two men and one woman. But in the case of two women and one man, it is almost impossible to avoid mixing the intimate microflora of two women.
Experience
Learn about his/her experience of a threesome relationship. If it is, then this will be a big plus, since it is reasonable to exclude awkwardness and such situations when all three of you do not know what to do with your bodies.