How To Make Sex Better In Long-Term Relationships
Sex in a long-term monogamous relationship can be bright and unforgettable – it sounds like utopia. But what if it’s not just a fantasy? The author of book “Love Worth Making” Stephen Snyder suggests that only our inner sexuality is the main key to amazing sex, and it should be given the most attention.
In general, advices in this book are not only applicable to long-term relationships or even married life. What is important is that passionate sex, which is imprinted in the memory of pleasure, occurs only after understanding your own sexual ego. And autoeroticism, according to a qualified psychologist and sexologist, is not only acceptable, but also literally necessary.
FEEL YOUR INNER SEXUALITY
Truly passionate sex makes you feel special, confident, satisfied in your body and thoughts.
Most of books and textbooks speak about the right rhythm, deep penetration and atmosphere. Of course, the right rhythm is better than erratic frictions. But remember that amazing sex that you had. What are the chances that it was so good just because of the rhythm? Fantasy or atmosphere is also great, but your sexuality always needs something new.
In bright sex, not only your body works, but also your mind and heart. The emotion that fills sex is not desire or lust, but gratitude. It is very personal feeling that can be felt somewhere deep.
GIVE SOME SPACE TO YOUR SEXUAL EGO
Your inner sexuality is something that operates according to a certain set of rules. Basically, this sexual ego is infantile and extremely vulnerable. It doesn’t have the ability to overcome difficulties that we take for granted. Therefore, sex is such an emotional experience for anyone, and it can leave us either in a very good mood or in a very bad one.
DISCARD YOUR DELUSIONS
Many people simply don’t realize problems they have been living with for many years. First of all, sex should mean pleasure, and therefore be wonderful and bright. When you think about it from the point of sexual ego – it means that you are very attractive and your partner is not less attractive.
Inner sexuality is just as narcissistic as small children. It doesn’t worry about asking too much. When you’re excited, you’re very interested in your partner, but you don’t want to know how his day went. You want him to say that you are beautiful and want to be the most important person in the Universe.
It’s not so important to spend a lot of time thinking about technique to become a great lover. Moreover, the idea that if you behave selfishly in bed, you will not get a connection with your partner is also wrong. The reality is that sexual selfishness can lead to relationship much faster than lavish caresses. If you just enjoy your partner and you are responsible for your pleasure, then he can do the same without worrying about you.
FOLLOW THE DESIRE
It is much easier to get involved in new relationships and give in to the passion than to “heat up” those that have been going on for a long time. When you take someone’s clothes off for the first time, it’s like you’re breaking an invisible boundary, and everything feels dangerous and hot. Couples are often advised to try something new: dates, new places, poses, and kinks. According to Stephen, it is all manifestation of boredom.
If you imagine that the inner sexual ego behaves like a child, then he will get tired of any toy after a week. It would be much better to step back and allow this feeling to develop its own potential.
Dr. Stephen Snyder recommends mindfulness exercises to track exactly how desire occurs. You can see that excitement come and go, but don’t worry about it. Happy couples remain satisfied, not trying to find something new, but paying attention to small sexual details that occur in their couple. Enjoy the routine — it’s more useful.
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR PLEASURE
Ideally, each person in a happy couple takes responsibility for sexual arousal and orgasm. You need to learn how to express your sexual desires, but take into account the fact that your partner doesn’t exist in order to fulfill them immediately.
You don’t need to do something just because it pleases your partner. Look for new practices that both of you will like, otherwise, neither of you will be happy.
RETAIN A CLOSE RELATIONSHIP
Even in your toughest days, you both need to find a few minutes to express your love to each other. When you have no energy for sex, you can look for energy for other expressions of tenderness and love.
Many couples avoid sexual arousal, believing that it obliges them to have sex afterward. Why build a fire if you’re going to put it out? But even a little excitement can make you feel better, and also remind you why this person is so important to you.
The secret to desire in a long-term relationship