You Are Dating a Narcissist
Can you identify a “Narcissist”? If you think it’s just a guy who brags about his trust fund and never asks any questions on a date, then you’ll probably skip him in life.
In fact, not all Narcissists are hideously rich men in expensive suits and highly polished shoes. Many of them can even call themselves feminists, until in the fires of quarrel they call you an obscene word and pour a tub of dirt on your entire family. Dealing with a narcissist and analyzing his behavior can get on your nerves and take up a lot of time.
So see some signs that you should stay away from this guy because he is a narcissist.
He did everything to win you over… at an early stage
If you’re deeply puzzled by how someone who texted you nonstop and told you he loved you on a second date suddenly seems rude and distant, that’s the first sign. Narcissists are masters of love bombing where they make a potential partner feel as special as possible.
In terms of courtship, they easily outshine even those who really love you. The reason is simple: they are motivated by winning, not really getting to know you. So what seems like an incredibly romantic gesture or a stunning gift may just be an attempt to see your reaction to the “perfect partner”. Narcissists like showing off. They are able to win affection at an early stage, but it’s difficult for them to maintain long-term relationships.
He is terribly selfish when he gets away with it
Narcissists are all politeness and courtesy in public. But when no one is looking, they calmly put their needs ahead of yours.
Narcissists view people as objects and often make their partners feel more like an accessory or decoration. But they can be unmasked by situations in which they make gifts. Do they give them just to make you smile? Or do they only give them away on special occasions – let’s say, after an epic quarrel or a mistake on his part?
If the first case – then your man genuinely cares about you. But in the latter case, it means that most likely he is trying to buy or re-win your love and disposition.
He takes care more about your image as a couple than the relationship itself
The narcissist’s perfectionism doesn’t end there. If you’re dating, you must respond to the hashtags #couplegoals not only in your Instagram feed, but also in your life.
When a narcissist feels that he’s “losing face” in public, it makes him suffer, because he’s not able to fail. Public humiliation is the worst type of failure for narcissists. Their egos are very fragile, so any “attack” on their reputation infuriates them.
Narcissists don’t focus on developing relationships because their own self-esteem tells them that they’ve already achieved everything they need to. It’s more important for them to seem like the perfect couple than to work on being one.
He is always picking holes in everything you do
At the beginning of the relationship, he loved everything about you. Now the things that made him feel tender – your laughter, your favorite TV shows, or even PMS attacks have become a problem for him.
Narcissists tend to keep in mind a specific image of the ideal woman. And, of course, they will make you conform to it.
Warning sign: your loved one is always convinced that his point of view is correct for all 1000%. Another thing you should pay attention to is his widespread criticism of your mistakes, even if you don’t think they are.
It is impossible to argue with him
The reason why quarrels with narcissists are so fickle and confusing is actually very simple: they’re never wrong. They’re always right, in their opinion. Although the narcissist may agree with your requests at an early stage, it’ll eventually fade away.
Narcissists believe that they have long grown up, and their version of the truth is final and infallible. You can give them hard arguments, but they will still find a way to prove their case.
They’re more likely to threaten breakups or issue abrupt ultimatums if you refuse to give in and apologize, even if you really consider yourself innocent.
He makes you think you’re the drama Queen
Narcissists are natural manipulators. To distort the words of others or misinterpret someone’s actions isn’t a big deal anymore for them. The key is to make the other person feel guilty or remorseful about something that is often not worth a damn.
If you mention an issue from the past (and possibly current), you automatically get the above-mentioned title of drama Queen. And for defending your point of view, you can easily get a dozen other unflattering nicknames. They’ll never understand that they’re the drama kings who refuse to make any kind of compromise and delay the resolution of the conflict because they cannot accept their own mistakes.
He does not have any close friends, and he is not reliable
No matter how much narcissists brag about their connections, they don’t really have many friends, and they may not have any close ones at all. They use all their charm to create a lot of superficial friendships, but don’t work to maintain them.
In order to be in a real relationship, a person must loosen their guard. Narcissists are terrified of being seen for real, as it’ll reveal the image they’re trying to create.
A narcissist can disappear from life without explanation, hoping that people will still be attracted to him. He’ll never support a friend if it makes him uncomfortable and doesn’t make him appear in a good light. And, of course, this cannot but affect his personal life.
He has a list of «crazy exes»
It’s commonly known that if a man calls his exes “crazy”, then most likely, the problem lies in him. Even if it’s not the word he uses, there are many others: “difficult”, “problematic”, “hysterical”, and etc.
Narcissists want to be seen as a victim. Self-obsession isn’t a sound foundation for any relationship. That’s why narcissists often end up in the same hole. It’s easier to belittle others to gross over and magnify yourself, which narcissists always do when they humiliate their exes.
He gets cute again when you show your independence
Narcissists are often called emotional vampires, and there’s a reason for that. They need your constant and undivided attention to feel good. But, ironically, as soon as they get what they need, they immediately forget about their mask. So when you see more of your friends or spend more time with yourself, he starts to panic.
To regain their self-esteem, narcissists can start showering you with gifts, or suddenly become more warm and affectionate. But don’t buy into it: it’s just a temporary mask. As soon as you take this at face value, a narcissist will lapse into his old ways and easily provoke a new quarrel over a trifle.
He goes mad when he realizes that he can be replaced
Eventually, you’ll probably get tired of his behavior and start to abandon him emotionally. And that would make him very angry.
When narcissist feels that he’s losing you forever, various means are used: from flirting or cheating to make you jealous, to threats and blackmail.
His actions are ruthless, because your only value to him was being a beautiful “decoration”, and you left your role. It’s better for him to be outright scum and break your heart first, because it gives him a sense of control that he just can’t live without.